When they have you by the [-----], will your heart

CyberExpress: "So you want to resign your Polish citizenship, mate? Sure, Luke. No problem. The relevant Polish law is: Rozporządzenie Prezydenta Rzeczypospolitej Polskiej z dnia 14 marca 2000 r. w sprawie szczegółowego trybu postępowania w sprawach o nadanie lub wyrażenie zgody na zrzeczenie się obywatelstwa polskiego oraz wzorów zaświadczeń i wniosków. (Dz. U. 2000, Nr 18, poz. 231), downloadable from http://www.abc.com.pl/serwis/du/2000/0231.htm Sorry, old son, in Polish only. So learn Polish, like a good Polish citizen should, or pay someone for a specialised legal translation - not cheap at all, I am afraid. Briefly put, you will be required to supply the same documents as for the issue of a Polish passport, with the same shenanigans to get them from Poland, because, you see, Australian legal documents are not good enough for this purpose. Then, on top of these, you will be required to write a detailed CV, in Polish, in your own handwriting. You don’t read Polish, let alone write it? Stiff s**t. Then you will complete an enormously detailed 8-page application form (also in Polish only, also downlodadable at http://www.abc.com.pl/serwis/du/2000/0231.htm). You must attach about 15 accompanying documents to that form. Any documents not in the Polish language will have to be professionally translated (the Consulate will give you the name of their preferred translator, and that chap ain’t gonna be cheap). Then the originals and the translations will need to be notarised. Then checked for correctness of the translation by the Consulate. Then certified by the Consul-General. Needless to say, none of these steps will come cheaply either. There will be some very creative fees and charges to pay. Then the Consul-General will append to your petition his own recommendation for the authorities in Warsaw as to whether you deserve to be released from Polish citizenship. No, I am not joking, that is his duty under the legislation. He doesn’t know you from a brick? So what? And no, you will not be able to read what he had to say about you. Confidential, you see. In Poland, your set of papers will be minutely scrutinised by two very serious and utterly humourless Polish Government Departments (Ministry of Foreign Affairs and Ministry of Internal Affairs and Administration) and one statutory authority (National Office of Repatriation and Foreigners). Then the Chairman of NORF will add his wise personal recommendation, but you will never see it either: it’s confidential too. After all this, the papers will advance, without undue haste, to the Office of the President of the Republic of Poland, Mr Alexander Kwaśniewski, and will commence a long wait until he finds time to look at your case. By law, he must do it personally. This function of the Presidency has not been delegated to officials, because it is too important, you see. Aren’t you flattered? Unfortunately, at this leisurely tempo, all this work may take up to two years. The President of the Republic of Poland, while reportedly a very nice bloke, is also a very busy man, as you will surely understand, so he will not jump to it themoment your papers reach his office. One day, the President will eventually make his decision on your voluntary renunciation of the Polish citizenship - aye or nay. Or perhaps not, as the case may be. Why not? Because the legislation does not say that he HAS TO make any decision at all. He MAY, but he DOES NOT HAVE TO, as there is no time limit for this decision, get it? The Presidential decision, if and when he makes it, is final, non-reviewable, and not appealable to any courts anywhere. Assuming the Polish President agrees to release you from your Polish citizenship, they will send you a letter to that effect, by very slow mail. When it arrives, they will charge you another $350 or so before you are actually given the actual document. For the rest of your days, you will have to have that letter on your person at all times when travelling to, through, or in Poland. Why? Because the onus will remain on you forever to prove to any Polish official, at any time, on demand, that you are no longer a Polish citizen. If you cannot prove that you had formally surrendered your Polish citizenship in the way described above, you will be treated as if you still held it. ALTOGETHER, YOUR VOLUNTARY RESIGNATION of your Polish citizenship will take between one and two years. It will cost you anything between approx. $750 if you are very lucky, and infinity, depending on the relative complexity of your personal legal situation as seen through the eyes of some very imaginative Polish officials. As I said, no problem. Welcome to the Motherland, mate! Do they have your heart and mind yet?"